| Sometimes you just gotta ask yourself WTF? |
[27 Mar 2009|09:57pm] |
Ok....so, I haven't posted anything here in some time, but this is a day that warrants it. So, the job has been stressful for sometime now. The manager where I work is one the most difficult human beings to work with I've ever come in contact with. Everybody there is miserable, and most are consistently shopping for something better. Here's the problem though, money. Its going to be really damn hard to find something that pays the way this job pays. Today though, really made me rethink this position.
So.....besides the fact that I almost came unhinged at the manager no less than a few times by lunch today, I had to go out on the road this evening. Usually no big deal, I like doing some road time.....normally. Today though, things changed a bit. As most people know, I don't always work in the most savory of conditions. I've seen most everything in this job, from roach infested houses, to houses that should have been condemned years ago and are only standing out sheer spite. I've delivered king size poster bed sets to third floors, up stairways barely big enough to fit yourself through. I dodged angry pit bulls, watched drug deals, hell I've even almost fallen through floors.....but today topped it all.
Today I was on my way to do a pick up. This pick up was located in S. Allison Hill. Known as the "Hill" to the locals. This is as unsavory an area as there is in good 'ol Harrisburg. As I make my right hand turn onto Kittaniny St off of 13th st just left of Hell, I realized something was wrong. There were people everywhere. As I proceeded down the street I also realized there were police everywhere. A little further up, suddenly I can go no further....due to the POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS TAPE EVERY GOD DAMN WHERE! So I stop to figure out where I am to go next. I look to my left and see the little tags the police use to identify bullet casings on the ground of a crime scene. I happen to see #12! Not cool! So I finally figure out I can go right, so I do. Now I have to figure out how to get the house that I'm looking for. Turns out its right behind the CRIME SCENE! So I finally get there and meet up with my co-worker. He then informs me someone else was just shot and killed mere feet away from where we're standing just a week or two ago! The house immediately attached to the one I'm standing in front of is boarded up, and the one just next to it is completely burned out. Apparently that just happened last week as well. This road is barely as wide as the truck. So theres no where to go if something happens. Here's the punch line....We're standing outside remarking about just how bad this area is, and pounding on this guy's door trying to repo merchandise! It gets better....we're perfectly calm and collected, no big deal....just another day in the RTO buis. WTF! Are we THAT stupid? Are we that defused and numb to this shit? It didn't really hit me till I was on my way home this evening. I had to really ask myself, why......tell me again WHY I do this job? I'm beginning to lose site of the answer.
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| Ya know..... |
[16 Mar 2008|04:00pm] |
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I haven't really posted in a while, but I think its time. Ya know it really sucks when your day to day life is completely interupted by shit. Normally I just let it go. Normally I just shrug it off as "well thats life". This time though I'm angry. My whole freakin body hurts. For the last two days now, I have about a four hour window to get things done before the pain sets in. I hurt enough on a daily basis, I don't need this as well. Beth and I both are feeling like this at the moment. She made it through about four hours at work, then just couldn't deal with it anymore. We are hopefully going to be talking to the lawyer tomorrow. With any luck he'll be able to get something out of Fed Ex for all this crap. Neither of us needed this right now, and like I said I'm really angry over it.
On a positive note, I think we may have found a candidate for her replacement car. I found a nice '07 Saturn Aura XE over at Saturn of Harrisburg. Hopefully we can go take it out and give it a shake down. With any luck it go well and that will at least be taken care of.
Oh well, time to go rest and let the drugs do their job.......
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| A little retrospective this evening.... |
[27 Aug 2007|02:02am] |
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Monster Magnet - Bummer |
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Yeah yeah.....I know. I haven't posted much of anything in a LONG ASS TIME! Well I am tonite. I'm feeling a little philosophical this evening.
After reading a number of posts made in a group I used to be involved with, I decided to put something up here for future reference. See, I've come to a number of conclusions in my life. First off, nothing in life comes without a price. Secondly, you'll never find what you're looking for if you are not indeed looking for it. Everyone seems to be looking for the path of least resistance. The easiest answer. The answer which involves the least work. The least amount of putting yourself out on a limb. Well folks, I'm here to tell ya nothing in life is free OR easy. If you don't take risks, you'll never truly reap the rewards. So, to those folks I referred to earlier....WAKE UP! You all sound so damn childish. I am almost embarrassed to say I once associated with you. Two dimensional attitudes lead to no where.
Its been three years this month that I turned away from the path I was headed. I have no notable regrets. Yes there are a few minor regrets, but nothing really worth mentioning. The positives that came from that decision have far out weighed the negatives. How did I get to this point? I TOOK A RISK! I did something that caused everyone I was around to question my sanity. To question my common sense, and to wonder what the hell I was thinking. Most of you pretty much shook your heads at me, and walked away. Most of you won't even acknowledge that I even exist anymore. Fine....your loss. I moved on. In doing so, I closed a chapter in my life. Every now and then though, I do stop and look back in retrospect. I made the right decision. I just wish the narrow minded individuals with the two dimensional attitudes, would open their minds a little. Wishful thinking I know, but if they could just see what I see they'd understand.
Been a while since I posted lyrics here....but theres a couple songs very appropriate to what I have said here. So here they are....
This one is really for those folks I speak of....
Monster Magnet - Black Balloon
Hey man what's your name? I've seen your face always before Tapped in to a cosmic fame Got the gig I was looking for yeah
Hungry, that's no drag It's nothing that a trip won't cure Completion is in that bag Selfish crowd come back for more
Well I reached in the bag for a new latitude And all I got out was a black balloon Was a black balloon Was a black balloon Hey babe, I'm out of the cage Behind some glass miles away So sue me for being too cool I hate myself for wanting to play Guess all I've got to say about karma's true Cos all I've got left is a black balloon Is a black balloon Is a black balloon Is a black balloon Is a black balloon Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah
Those of you who know the folks I refer to, will understand just how fitting those lyrics really are. This next one is really for me, describes how I feel pretty accurately...
Monster Magnet - Baby Gotterdamerung
I read a book today It made me think of a life I led It seemed so far away, but then I wouldn't call it dead I see a name or two and the ghosts just start to roam I had 'em locked away It seems they've cut their own parole
Now face the music, son Some people live to remember when But you're no storage space You've lived a dozen lives since then So what would Modok do if his memory got too full? He'd find a powersource and then he'd pick what plugs to pull
I looked in the mirror and somebody blew up I turned on my TV and somebody blew up I learned how to lie well and somebody blew up I learned how to live true and somebody blew up
My brain was still today Just taking a little death Just like the doctors say: I never get that kind of rest The movie's on again They got me nullifying ghosts I'm better dead than red I guess I'll never get off the boat
I looked in the mirror and somebody blew up I turned on my tv and somebody blew up I learned how to lie well and somebody blew up I learned how to live true and somebody blew up
Yeah that pretty well sums things up. Now that I got that out of my system, I return you to your regularly scheduled two dimensional life. Chao baby!
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| HAPPY HAPPY!!! |
[24 May 2007|09:32pm] |
HAPPY BDAY LYNNIE!!!!! You need a day off as a present I think ;).
*HUGS*
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[12 Mar 2007|10:37pm] |
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YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU... I want to know 34 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other.
1. Can you cook? 2. What was your dream growing up? 3. What talent do you wish you had? 4. Favorite place? 5. Favorite vegetable? 6. What was the last book you read? 7. What zodiac sign are you? 8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 9. Worst Habit? 10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? 11. What is your favorite sport? 12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? 13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? 14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? 15. Tell me one weird fact about you. 16. Do you have any pets? 17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? 18. What time is it where you are now? 19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? 20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? 21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? 22. What color eyes do you have? 23. Ever been arrested? 24. Bottle or Draft? 25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? 26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? 27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? 28. Do you believe in ghosts? 29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? 30. Do you swear a lot? 31. Biggest pet peeve? 32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? 33. In one word, how would you describe me? 34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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| *DOES THE HAPPY DANCE* |
[29 Jan 2007|05:55pm] |
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WE'RE FREE!!!!!! FREE AT LAST!!!!!!
That is all.....
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| Ok, ok.....snorked from damn near EVERYONE!!! |
[22 Jan 2007|10:03pm] |
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WWE RAW in the background |
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A - AVAILABLE: OH HELL NO! B - BIRTHDAY: April 5th C - CRUSHING: I'll leave it up to your imagination ;) Don't think to hard LOL! D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coffee, what else? E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Beth. F - FAVORITE BANDS: Judas priest, Iron Maiden, The Damned G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Ummmmm, no. H - HOME TOWN: West Chester, PA. I - INSTRUMENT(s): Of my destruction? J - JUGGLE: No no...its multitasking. K - KILLED SOMEONE: Why do you ask? L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: To Quote Shira..."Mine and christinev's drive to Upper Peninsula, Michigan, still reigns." M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla with a bottle of anything and a glazed donut......TO GO. N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1 O - ONE WISH: Inner peace. L - LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU: I know not of this texting thing of which you speak O.o. Q - QUIET?: Mostly. R - REASON TO SMILE: Beth.....oh and the idea CCI burning to the ground while we sleep ;). S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Neil Young - Like A Hurricane T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: Waking up requires one to be sleeping first....I don't seem to do that. U - UNDERWEAR YOU'RE WEARING? Wouldn't you like to know? V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: Broccoli W - WORST HABIT: That pesky dependence on oxygen. X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: So many I glow at nite. Y - YOUR NUMBER OF FRIENDS ON MYSPACE: 403 I is a HO!!! Z - ZODIAC SIGN: ARIES....you know the stubborn 'ol goat LOL!!
Ok thats it...I'm done here.....
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| My Jake is a complete ass rant.... |
[31 Oct 2006|09:54pm] |
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What an ASS!!! Here's my response to this tripe.
Ok so.....a certain unmentionable person has returned to grace the net. Oh hell ya know what? JAKE has returned to the net! I'd like to take this opportunity to say WELCOME BACK BUDDY!!! (insert sarcasm). I have a few things to say about this most recent MySpace blogging of your's. I'll break it down as we let our fine viewers at home read this masterpiece.
Start Jake blog......standard text is him...italics are my response...ok here we go.
Am I evil? Answer...YES!
Am I as evil as Ive bin told I am lately? Am I as crazy as they say? Double yes there! The answer Im afraid I dont have. I do! Altho I do admit I didnt take my wife leaving me for some backstabbing coward to well. OK....backstabbing coward? Hey Bucky...who's the one posting shit all over the place? Yahoo....MySpace, seems you've done a whole lot of talking behind my back....but haven't the balls to put where I will see it? Who's the fucking coward? And there were most defanetly time I think I came close to loosing it. You lost it a LONG ASS time ago I'm afraid. I think Ive either grown as a person or just plain gone numb. I dont know yet only time will tell. BUT I do KNOW that something changed in me. Im not quite sure what it is. It unravels and shows a little more of it self every day. My veiw on my children has changed drasticly for the better. But how I feel about people has changed for the worse I geuss. Im mean I no longer put any value on anyones opinon of me anymore. In fact I honestly want nothing to do with most ppl anymore. Ironic, considering most feel the same about YOU at this point. Im mean I have my set group of friends and there great at least most of them. Alot of them I just dont talk to not that I dont want to its just they dont seem to have time for me wich is realy ok, I dont have mush time to look them up either. But their there and Im greatful for it. But alot of my former friends I feel just plain HATE for. Hate? You have no clue just how DEEP hate can travel! Ive bin accused of everything lately, From beating my wife to ignoring my children. Ohhh....accused? Dude, I can tell you there is MUCH MUCH evidence to back things up. I had to fix all the shit YOU destroyed in that townhouse! The destroyed doors? The dents in the walls? All the fucking splatter marks on the walls? Remember any of that? I won't even go into the other things that had to be cleaned up, as a direct result of YOUR actions! I won't get into direct correlations here, but a few of those would have landed you some time in the clink. You should be fucking GRATEFUL that Beth has put up with even 1/4 of the shit you've pulled!! But to control how I feel I just look at them closely. And I feel much better about their harch judgement on me. Yeah, take a good LONG look at us.....what you are seeing is the END. What you are seeing is Beth growing a pair as you have consistently told her to do! How does it feel Bucky? Feel good? I know that they knew the truth and chose to ignor it for Lies. Ok, again twisting facts. You spun a grand web of deception, you tried to make everyone HATE Beth. All you ever did was tell lies, MANY lies. Beth didn't stand a chance against you're onslaught of deceit! Now the truth is surfacing, and you are panicking! I geuss the lies seemed more fun. But thats ok all it did was show me what morons I had for friends. Yeah, we were morons....morons for ever listening to you from day one! But it still bothers me that they were so easily misled, and buy whom. Yes! We were misled, by YOU! I have no clue why you'd be bothered by your own deception. Whats the matter? Feeling guilty, or are you that clueless to your own behavioral shortcomings? But as Ive said Ive learned alot from all this. Really? I hope you learned, that you can only be a deceptive twit for so long before the jig is up? Somehow, I seriously doubt you learned a damn thing. Dont get me wrong Im no longer depressed abot what happend my exwife did me a HUGE favor shes sat me free of HER and her tyranical rule. Ok, this is truly FUNNY!! Shall I get into all the things she did for YOU? Should I mention how SHE supported YOU for how god damn long, and how many times? Should I get into the fact that all she wanted was to be loved, and shown an ounce of god damn appreciation? You don't deserve to be loved....and especially not by someone as loving, caring, and giving as Beth is. I put up with her for four years and Im sure that if something didnt happen it would have killed me. *Laughs* Killed you? You are TRULY pathetic man. But Im free now to live my life taht way I want to, to be free. All I want to do now is be a good father to my son and daughter, thats all nothing else. I'm going to refrain from comment here.....only time well tell....only time will tell.
End Jake blog.....
I'm just going to say this... I'm glad you are who are. Had you actually been a quality human being, I wouldn't have been afforded the opportunity to meet such a wonderful person as Beth. To that I say, THANKS BUDDY!!!! You've certainly earned a spot on MY Christmas card list LOL!!!!
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| Strangeness abounds O_o |
[17 Oct 2006|11:18pm] |
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Ok.....so. I know I haven't posted anything here in a while, but I thought this worthy of an update. Everyone knows I hate CCI. So on that note....Cerebus comes up with another curious move. Seems they decided to outsource the H.R. dept. . Now under normal circumstances, no biggie. This time though, it looked as though they were throwing us all under the bus. Seemed to me that we were all to end up glorified temps. So in my usual manner of wanting to be fired, I shot off an email....a not so nice email. Said not so nice email was sent to all of our management in house. It was also sent to one Matt Prevost of Cerebus. Now I figured this was going to get a reaction, I didn't expect it to get the reaction I received. There were people just betting this would get me fired...or at least an offer to get rid of me and shut me up. Ok, so.....first response from Matt Prevost. He offered an explanation on what was going on in his opinion, and then thanked me for expressing my concerns and thoughts. He also said that Bob Masey, the big cheese of H.R. would address this email personally! Now it was lunch time, but before I left I received a phone call from Trevor. Trevor told me Eric our warehouse manager wanted to meet with me after lunch. Ahhhh, now we're getting somewhere......potential offer? So I went to lunch. After returning, Eric was busy. So I went to visit Dan at his desk. He told me Bob Masey had responded, and let me read it from his compy. Again.....he backed up Matt, and explained the situation. He also thanked me for expressing my concerns! So now I'm off to visit Eric......I go into his office and sit. He STARTS OFF with "thanks for bringing this up"!! Ok, now I'm convinced....they've all lost their minds! He states that he hadn't even looked at my point of view on this till I sent the email. He thought it was a very valid point and he also called Bob Masey. He commended me for having the stones to open my mouth and bitch about something. We laughed and he also explained what was going on to the best of HIS knowledge, and agreed that Global and Cerebus need to improve upon there press releases.
I am now thoroughly convinced, I can not get fired from this place. I tried.....I got this email all the way to the top of the food chain. What did I get for my efforts in creating a nasty bitchy ranty email? What did I get for intentionally stirring the pot and TRYING to create unrest? RESPECT! I got freakin respect! I didn't want respect.....I wanted to piss people off, I wanted to make a fuss......I wanted them to make me an offer I couldn't refuse! I got respect. Bleh. Why me....I now have apparently cemented my position in this corporation. I have now also apparently become the mouthpiece of the people because of the reaction I received.
This sucks......*wanders off in disgust*
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[28 Jun 2006|01:13am] |
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Greg Graffin - Don't Be Afraid To Run |
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For someone who means alot to me.....
Bad Religion - from The Process of Belief
"The Lie"
How do you know what you can be if you can't see where you are going What breaks the silence Misery can make you see where you belong It's a dangerous stage but the show must go on
Why do you lie Why do you lie Would you betray your soul Why do you lie Why do you lie Don't let your weakness show You just might be the last to know
Freedom is such a loaded word So full of hurt and such a plomb Loneliness saunters in its breeze Like a disease it drags along The time of your life can't be had for a song
Why do you lie Why do you lie Would you betray your soul Why do you lie Why do you lie Don't let your weakness show You just might be the last to know
Why do you lie Why do you lie Would you betray your soul Why do you lie Why do you lie Don't let your weakness show Why do you lie Why do you lie Only the meek follow Why do you lie Why do you lie Trample the fear below You just might be the last to know
*HUGS*.....I told ya I'd explain it to you, this just kinda says it better than I can.
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| For shira... |
[24 May 2006|03:35am] |
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Happy BDay!!!! You wild and crazy Lynnie you!!!! :) See your MySpace for the pretty version!! LOL *HUGS*
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| Sometimes I hate the past... |
[18 May 2006|03:17am] |
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Jim Croce 50th Anniversary Collection |
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King's Song Written by - Jim Croce
He struggled so hard to be king Working night and day Dreaming of only one thing Never a holiday Somewhere along the way He forgot she was only a girl Now his kingdom has fallen And it's really quite a tragic tale Cause he built a castle to harbor his queen But the queen claimed he built her a jail
He struggled so hard to be king He wanted everything He built her a house by the sea Just to keep her in Somewhere along the way He forgot she needed a friend Now his kingdom has fallen And it's really quite a tragic tale Cause he built a castle to harbor his queen And the queen claimed he built her a jail
It happened so quickly before he could know She was gone, far gone Far from the castle, the diamonds and things She had worn to the ball There was a note that she carefully wrote Signed it best wishes to all Oh you struggled so hard to be king Working night and day Dreaming of only one thing, never a holiday Somewhere along the way You forgot that I needed a man
When they found him they took him back where he belonged And his family and friends saw him annually And they say it's a shame what's become of the king
Yeah, that pretty well sums it up I think....
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| Interesting.....and pretty damn accurate too O.o |
[18 Apr 2006|02:15am] |
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The Sherbs - We Ride Tonite |
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the Helper Test finished! |
you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO.
"I must help others"
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
- Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
- Share fun times with me.
- Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
- Let me know that I am important and special to you.
- Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
What I Like About Being a Two
- being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
- knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
- being generous, caring, and warm
- being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
- being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a Two
- not being able to say no
- having low self-esteem
- feeling drained from overdoing for others
- not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
- criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
- being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
- working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
Twos as Children Often
- are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
- try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
- are outwardly compliant
- are popular or try to be popular with other children
- act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
- are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)
Twos as Parents
- are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
- are often playful with their children
- wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
- can become fiercely protective
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages
You liked the test? so please RATE it... but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-)
You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CX
Would you rather have chosen:
AX (SEVEN) BX (NINE) CY (SIX) CZ (ONE) |
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 0% on ABC |
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You scored higher than 23% on XYZ |
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| This one is for you Ma.... |
[23 Feb 2006|01:46am] |
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Lou Reed |
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Yes its about a person.....but you get the idea.
From Magic and Loss No Chance - Lou Reed
It must be nice to be steady, it must be nice to be firm It must be nice never to move off the mark It must be nice to be dependable and never let anyone down It must be great to be all the things you're not It must be great to be all the things that I'm not
I see you in the hospital your humor is intact I'm embarrassed by the strength I seem to lack If I was in your shoes so strange that I'm not I'd fold up in a minute and a half and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye
It must be nice to be normal it must be nice to be cold It must be nice not to have to go oh up or down But me I'm all emotional no matter how I try you're gone and I'm still here alive and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye No - I didn't get a chance to say goodbye
There are things we say we wish we knew and in fact we never do But I'd wish I'd known that you were going to die Then I wouldn't feel so stupid, such a fool that I didn't call And I didn't get a chance to say goodbye I didn't get a chance to say goodbye
No there's no logic to this - who's picked to stay or go If you think too hard it only makes you mad But your optimism made me think you really had it beat So I didn't get a chance to say goodbye I didn't get a chance to say goodbye
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| and so, another part of my life is gone. |
[23 Feb 2006|12:27am] |
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BALLESTRA 1986-2006
So yet another part of my life has gone away. This one hurts...ALOT. I don't really have much to say on this other than that, I'm just kinda speechless.
For those not able to view Lynn's journal. Here is her post from earlier today.
Lynn's post:
Regret. Our beautiful Ballestra is gone. Left in the hands of someone other than the person I sold her to, she colicked, had surgery, then never recovered and was humanely destroyed.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, oh my God...
I can't beleive this.
I failed her. I swore to her that I would never let her go, that after the bullshit she had been through, and for the fact that she and I always managed to have respect for each other I would never let her go, that she had a home for life, and I failed her. I should never have let her go, but I didn't know what else to do...
I'm so sorry, my special, beautiful girl. You were the best thing that ever happened to us, and to Sonny. I'm so sorry. So sorry...
End post.
For those not in the know.....Ballestra was our Bay mare, the one more commonly known as "Ma". She was probably the single biggest factor, in Lynn and I reaching the level we did with the horses. She was quite special, being one of just a few Bay Lipizzans in this country. She was also one of the last of her bloodline. A very valuable bloodline. This is truly a sad day for Lynn and myself, but also to the breed as whole. Her loss will be felt by many in the Lipizzan community.
I share Lynn's feelings about having failed her. She did so much for us, but in the end all we could do was send her away. This hurt is going to be with me for a long time I think. God speed Ma, may we meet again in some other place.....and I promise I will not fail you again.
*wanders off*
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| Snorked from Kel..... |
[19 Feb 2006|09:44pm] |
After you die... Guardian Angel
After death, you will exist as a guardian angel in order to protect your still-living loved ones. You might even inspire a classic Christmas movie.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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